When we arrived in the alley, a kiss was the most obvious thing you could think of. "Wanna come with me?" Frank asked me. I was in doubt and Frank noticed, because I wasn't responding. "Did Jonathan said something to you...?"He asked. "No," I said,"it's just that I don't know if this is the right thing to do.""You should do what feels right." Oi... that was pretty painful. Frank knew how much he meant to me and he knew that eventually I would come along with him. But because of that last sentence he would test me. I had two choices: be strong or be weak. ... Afortunately Frank is my weakness. I would do evertything for him. How bad can you be in love!? I could tell this was a worse case.
We got interrupted by Jonathan and Wesley. Both were completely drunk. Jonathan kept saying Frank should take me home. I actually wanted him to leave and a few minutes later he did.
Frank and I were by ourselves again. "Maybe it's better if you're not coming with me." Damn! It was so typical! I just wanted to say 'yes' and then he says something like this! So now I have tos ask him to come with him, to beg him to come along with him. Forget it! "Maybe it is,"I said. "Do want to come?" Frank asked me. Another shitty question. "Yeah, it's ok," I said but scratched back:"but..." Again I was doubting. "You know you can decide for me," I said. And so he did and went to his place...
When we were at his home, Frank asked me to be quiet: his mom was home too of course. We walked on to the kitchen and took off our shoes. Now the party could start. It began with some heavy kissing, that's how we went to the livingroom. We found a comfortable seat on the couch. Clothes were flying around and everything went pretty quick. It all felt pretty good, cause I still loved Frank. It just felt right: the kisses, his body, to please him. It was different than the time with Thom, cause with Thom the sex is about lust. But Frank's different, there's more feeling and love hanging in the air. Thom doesn't even like to kiss, just because we actually can't stand each other. But Frank was different...
It was quiet and we were staring at each other. It was all very exciting. We went on for a while until Frank reached his 'top'.
I looked upon my watch. Damn it was 4.30! I got dressed real quick and talked with Frank for a while: about his work. I noticed Frank's card as I took on my shoes. He had a terrible last name! Well at least I could hate something about Frank now.
We kissed goodbye. "could you dump this for me please?" Frank asked. He was holding the used condom in his hands. "That's ok," I said. I took it, it was pretty disgusting, cause I was thinking where we just used it for. You could see the condom was filled. It was disgusting... Ah fuck it! I put it in the pocket of my coat. "See you next time." I said and left...
I was so tired and again a little bit depressed, cause Frank and I would never feel the way for me as I do for him. Menno was right all the time. Frank's a drug. The moment you use it, you feel great, but afterwards you feel miserable! Plus I lost the bet six times now! I was way too tired to think long about it. Hmmm... sleep....
zondag 8 juli 2007
dinsdag 3 juli 2007
#1 Crush I
It was Friday. C and I had a lot of making up to do with my mom, so we cleaned up the entire house to earn a night out. After a long discussion mom would let us go, of course we had to be home on time.
First I would go to Dennis to book our vacation, Isabelle phoned that she couldn't make it, because of her grandmother. At Dennis' we couldn't find a perfect date for our vacation. Everyone had different things to do! So we ended up listening to some music, till Dennis' mom kicked us out. It was time to go to The Harmony.
Again it was a great party out there. Oh God... Frank was there too! Don't lose it, I said to myself. But was I able to be as strong as last week? We would see. John was amazingly enough really kind to me. I was having the greatest time!
I was in line for the toilets and C came running down the stairs with his coat on. "Where are you going!?" I yelled at him. "Menno got thrown out by John!" he said, "If he's gonna play like this, I'm outta here!" And he left. I didn't understand! John would never throw Menno out without a good reason. John came down the stairs. I asked him what had happened. "He smashes a glass on the floor. So I told him he could clean it up or go home. What he did was just stand there and look arrogant upon me." I thought John was right, but Menno was probably drunk. I was having such a great time, so I didn't wanna leave.
I was dancing downstairs when all the sudden Jonathan walks up to me. I really didn't want to see him around me, so I avoided him. The Harmony was pretty empty by now. Frank came up to me to have a chat and a little dance. Jonathan interrupted us. I was fed up with it and wanted to leave when Jonathan said: "Yeah Frank likes 'em that way." He was talking about my breasts. I walked away but Jonathan stopped me. Would it be possible for him to say just one useful word? Frank left us and left me alone with Jonathan. I stayed, cause he started off te right way: "I know... I'm a huge asshole..." OK I could see Jonathan was drunk, but I kept listening. He went on: "And I know I've been a real jerk to you. That night at InCasa... I shouldn't have done that."I nodded and saw flashbacks from that night. "I just want to say... I'm sorry... for that one night... and being such an ass." I was so glad to hear this, Jonathan apologized! Ok he was drunk, but still it were apologies and they came from Jonathan! "But you have to understand," he went on, "Frank's my best friend! He deserves the best, I don't want him to have some dumb slut. But I can tell you are really trying hard, inspite of all that shit! I can apreciate that... plus... your boobs." Ok he could have left the last thing out, but it made me laugh for a second. "Well," I said, "I do care a lot about Frank, more than you can imagine. And I just want him to be happy, whether it's with or... without me." I was watching Frank when I said these words... yeah I still had an amazing crush on him! Jonathan responded: "That's what I wanted to hear." I forced a smile, cause Frank and I, that was never gonna happen. Frank joined us again and this time Jonathan left us. Frank explained me why Jonathan was always so rude to people, bad childhood and stuff like that. I said it was alright and Frank suggested to go home. I thought it was a good idea.
I was downstairs waiting for Frank. Jasper was busy sweeping the floor. I went up to him, cause he was staring at me and Frank. "Hey Jasper!" I said extermely happy. "Hi..." He said. "Jasper," I said, "I still think you're sweet! But you're always so unkind to me." Jasper had to laugh. I went on: "and you know, of all the guys I've kissed, you're the best kisser! But now I'm going home with Frank. I gave you up to John." Jasper didn't understand I word from the last thing I'd said. John was shouting from the balcony: "He you! Go home with Frank!" I looked up to my hot Franky and said goodbye to Jasper. Together with Frank I left the bar. It was obvious we would go to the alley near Fandango's...
First I would go to Dennis to book our vacation, Isabelle phoned that she couldn't make it, because of her grandmother. At Dennis' we couldn't find a perfect date for our vacation. Everyone had different things to do! So we ended up listening to some music, till Dennis' mom kicked us out. It was time to go to The Harmony.
Again it was a great party out there. Oh God... Frank was there too! Don't lose it, I said to myself. But was I able to be as strong as last week? We would see. John was amazingly enough really kind to me. I was having the greatest time!
I was in line for the toilets and C came running down the stairs with his coat on. "Where are you going!?" I yelled at him. "Menno got thrown out by John!" he said, "If he's gonna play like this, I'm outta here!" And he left. I didn't understand! John would never throw Menno out without a good reason. John came down the stairs. I asked him what had happened. "He smashes a glass on the floor. So I told him he could clean it up or go home. What he did was just stand there and look arrogant upon me." I thought John was right, but Menno was probably drunk. I was having such a great time, so I didn't wanna leave.
I was dancing downstairs when all the sudden Jonathan walks up to me. I really didn't want to see him around me, so I avoided him. The Harmony was pretty empty by now. Frank came up to me to have a chat and a little dance. Jonathan interrupted us. I was fed up with it and wanted to leave when Jonathan said: "Yeah Frank likes 'em that way." He was talking about my breasts. I walked away but Jonathan stopped me. Would it be possible for him to say just one useful word? Frank left us and left me alone with Jonathan. I stayed, cause he started off te right way: "I know... I'm a huge asshole..." OK I could see Jonathan was drunk, but I kept listening. He went on: "And I know I've been a real jerk to you. That night at InCasa... I shouldn't have done that."I nodded and saw flashbacks from that night. "I just want to say... I'm sorry... for that one night... and being such an ass." I was so glad to hear this, Jonathan apologized! Ok he was drunk, but still it were apologies and they came from Jonathan! "But you have to understand," he went on, "Frank's my best friend! He deserves the best, I don't want him to have some dumb slut. But I can tell you are really trying hard, inspite of all that shit! I can apreciate that... plus... your boobs." Ok he could have left the last thing out, but it made me laugh for a second. "Well," I said, "I do care a lot about Frank, more than you can imagine. And I just want him to be happy, whether it's with or... without me." I was watching Frank when I said these words... yeah I still had an amazing crush on him! Jonathan responded: "That's what I wanted to hear." I forced a smile, cause Frank and I, that was never gonna happen. Frank joined us again and this time Jonathan left us. Frank explained me why Jonathan was always so rude to people, bad childhood and stuff like that. I said it was alright and Frank suggested to go home. I thought it was a good idea.
I was downstairs waiting for Frank. Jasper was busy sweeping the floor. I went up to him, cause he was staring at me and Frank. "Hey Jasper!" I said extermely happy. "Hi..." He said. "Jasper," I said, "I still think you're sweet! But you're always so unkind to me." Jasper had to laugh. I went on: "and you know, of all the guys I've kissed, you're the best kisser! But now I'm going home with Frank. I gave you up to John." Jasper didn't understand I word from the last thing I'd said. John was shouting from the balcony: "He you! Go home with Frank!" I looked up to my hot Franky and said goodbye to Jasper. Together with Frank I left the bar. It was obvious we would go to the alley near Fandango's...
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