Beachparty I

After some sleep, I had to catch up with C. I just had to know how his night had been. It had been kind of weird and kind of out of control...
After that Menno got thrown out, he and C had tried to enter The Harmony. But not just through a backdoor. No they had to climb up to the building and wanted to enter via the personnels restroom. Menno had done this before with success and C copied it easily. Too bad for them one of the bartenders was just in the room and heard something outside. He went down and got the manager and one of the security guys (John...). It was a final exit for both of them. Or not... John had text C that he wouldn't punish him, but for Menno: entry was now prohibited for at least two months. C would try anything to get rid of Menno's punishment. So he was texting John all day, to reduce it. He succeeded, but John wouldn't give in entirely: just one month... But that wouldn't do! Cause this night there would be a beachparty, and we couldn't miss it! C and Menno would give it a last shot: apologize to the manager...

"But where have you been last night?" C asked. I told my story and C wasn't surprised. I reached the point about the used condom and then I realised.... Condom???Condom!!! I had totally forgotten about that thing! So that would mean... it was still in the pocket of my coat... I ran up to my coat to check it, and yes there it was. I was very careful with holding it. "Ah grose," C said,"that thing has been inside of you..." I looked disgusted and threw it away somewhere in my room, but not the litterbin...

C and I wanted to have a special text printed on our shirts for the beachparty. First we had to find the shirts, which went really quick. We stopped by Tim to have a short chat with him. And then we had to hurry, cause now we had to find Menno. So that we could go to The Harmony, together with him.

#1 Crush II

When we arrived in the alley, a kiss was the most obvious thing you could think of. "Wanna come with me?" Frank asked me. I was in doubt and Frank noticed, because I wasn't responding. "Did Jonathan said something to you...?"He asked. "No," I said,"it's just that I don't know if this is the right thing to do.""You should do what feels right." Oi... that was pretty painful. Frank knew how much he meant to me and he knew that eventually I would come along with him. But because of that last sentence he would test me. I had two choices: be strong or be weak. ... Afortunately Frank is my weakness. I would do evertything for him. How bad can you be in love!? I could tell this was a worse case.

We got interrupted by Jonathan and Wesley. Both were completely drunk. Jonathan kept saying Frank should take me home. I actually wanted him to leave and a few minutes later he did.

Frank and I were by ourselves again. "Maybe it's better if you're not coming with me." Damn! It was so typical! I just wanted to say 'yes' and then he says something like this! So now I have tos ask him to come with him, to beg him to come along with him. Forget it! "Maybe it is,"I said. "Do want to come?" Frank asked me. Another shitty question. "Yeah, it's ok," I said but scratched back:"but..." Again I was doubting. "You know you can decide for me," I said. And so he did and went to his place...

When we were at his home, Frank asked me to be quiet: his mom was home too of course. We walked on to the kitchen and took off our shoes. Now the party could start. It began with some heavy kissing, that's how we went to the livingroom. We found a comfortable seat on the couch. Clothes were flying around and everything went pretty quick. It all felt pretty good, cause I still loved Frank. It just felt right: the kisses, his body, to please him. It was different than the time with Thom, cause with Thom the sex is about lust. But Frank's different, there's more feeling and love hanging in the air. Thom doesn't even like to kiss, just because we actually can't stand each other. But Frank was different...
It was quiet and we were staring at each other. It was all very exciting. We went on for a while until Frank reached his 'top'.
I looked upon my watch. Damn it was 4.30! I got dressed real quick and talked with Frank for a while: about his work. I noticed Frank's card as I took on my shoes. He had a terrible last name! Well at least I could hate something about Frank now.
We kissed goodbye. "could you dump this for me please?" Frank asked. He was holding the used condom in his hands. "That's ok," I said. I took it, it was pretty disgusting, cause I was thinking where we just used it for. You could see the condom was filled. It was disgusting... Ah fuck it! I put it in the pocket of my coat. "See you next time." I said and left...

I was so tired and again a little bit depressed, cause Frank and I would never feel the way for me as I do for him. Menno was right all the time. Frank's a drug. The moment you use it, you feel great, but afterwards you feel miserable! Plus I lost the bet six times now! I was way too tired to think long about it. Hmmm... sleep....

#1 Crush I

It was Friday. C and I had a lot of making up to do with my mom, so we cleaned up the entire house to earn a night out. After a long discussion mom would let us go, of course we had to be home on time.
First I would go to Dennis to book our vacation, Isabelle phoned that she couldn't make it, because of her grandmother. At Dennis' we couldn't find a perfect date for our vacation. Everyone had different things to do! So we ended up listening to some music, till Dennis' mom kicked us out. It was time to go to The Harmony.
Again it was a great party out there. Oh God... Frank was there too! Don't lose it, I said to myself. But was I able to be as strong as last week? We would see. John was amazingly enough really kind to me. I was having the greatest time!
I was in line for the toilets and C came running down the stairs with his coat on. "Where are you going!?" I yelled at him. "Menno got thrown out by John!" he said, "If he's gonna play like this, I'm outta here!" And he left. I didn't understand! John would never throw Menno out without a good reason. John came down the stairs. I asked him what had happened. "He smashes a glass on the floor. So I told him he could clean it up or go home. What he did was just stand there and look arrogant upon me." I thought John was right, but Menno was probably drunk. I was having such a great time, so I didn't wanna leave.
I was dancing downstairs when all the sudden Jonathan walks up to me. I really didn't want to see him around me, so I avoided him. The Harmony was pretty empty by now. Frank came up to me to have a chat and a little dance. Jonathan interrupted us. I was fed up with it and wanted to leave when Jonathan said: "Yeah Frank likes 'em that way." He was talking about my breasts. I walked away but Jonathan stopped me. Would it be possible for him to say just one useful word? Frank left us and left me alone with Jonathan. I stayed, cause he started off te right way: "I know... I'm a huge asshole..." OK I could see Jonathan was drunk, but I kept listening. He went on: "And I know I've been a real jerk to you. That night at InCasa... I shouldn't have done that."I nodded and saw flashbacks from that night. "I just want to say... I'm sorry... for that one night... and being such an ass." I was so glad to hear this, Jonathan apologized! Ok he was drunk, but still it were apologies and they came from Jonathan! "But you have to understand," he went on, "Frank's my best friend! He deserves the best, I don't want him to have some dumb slut. But I can tell you are really trying hard, inspite of all that shit! I can apreciate that... plus... your boobs." Ok he could have left the last thing out, but it made me laugh for a second. "Well," I said, "I do care a lot about Frank, more than you can imagine. And I just want him to be happy, whether it's with or... without me." I was watching Frank when I said these words... yeah I still had an amazing crush on him! Jonathan responded: "That's what I wanted to hear." I forced a smile, cause Frank and I, that was never gonna happen. Frank joined us again and this time Jonathan left us. Frank explained me why Jonathan was always so rude to people, bad childhood and stuff like that. I said it was alright and Frank suggested to go home. I thought it was a good idea.
I was downstairs waiting for Frank. Jasper was busy sweeping the floor. I went up to him, cause he was staring at me and Frank. "Hey Jasper!" I said extermely happy. "Hi..." He said. "Jasper," I said, "I still think you're sweet! But you're always so unkind to me." Jasper had to laugh. I went on: "and you know, of all the guys I've kissed, you're the best kisser! But now I'm going home with Frank. I gave you up to John." Jasper didn't understand I word from the last thing I'd said. John was shouting from the balcony: "He you! Go home with Frank!" I looked up to my hot Franky and said goodbye to Jasper. Together with Frank I left the bar. It was obvious we would go to the alley near Fandango's...

Just Chillin'

Well I'd lost the bet 4 times now...

I got home and C had, as I prospected, skipped the first hours off school. I phoned mom immediately, and I was right. She was really pissed at me. I went to C's room to catch up with him. We always talk about what happened last night. I told C about my night with Thom. C told me that Louis was after my mom, so C had to call Ruud to save my mom from Louis. My god what a night...And because I'd already lost 4 times, I thought a fifth time couldn't harm. So I told C about the bet.

Lost 5 times now... too bad. I took a shower and went to school and of course to tell Menno about my night with Thom.

Third Time's A Charm II

It was time to go to have a snack. Louis was hitting on my mom... C got a text from Thom, which said I could stop by. I wanted to do that. But before I left the group I told C that John really reaaly liked him. Oh God...

I stopped at a house on Broadway while the rest of the group left me. Thom was waiting for me at the door. We took two stairs up and finally reached his room. His room was small and a little bit of a mess. We took place on the couch. He offered me a drink, but I wasn't thirsty. We chat a little bit, like we always do, but we got interrupted by a phonecall. It was C: mom was wondering where I was hanging out. Of course only C knew where I was. "I'll be up in a sec," I said. I also said that C couldn't hurt John, that he had to take him easy. I gave Thom his phone back. He looked strange upon me, cause he also knew John very well. Again Thom offered me a drink. Well if he keeps asking... I asked for a glass of water. Thom said I couldn't have water cause it tastes like nothing. So he dropped in a little bit of weird stuff. He called it "healthy", but when I had a nip the drink tasted awful! Thom was laughing and said I could leave it on the table. He drank it, so I knew there wasn't anything strange in it. "I have to take a shower," Thom said,"wanna come with me?" I was in doubt. Showers are so tempting! I wanted that shower too bad, so I said "yes". Thom got the towels and leaded me to the bathroom.
The shower was fantastic! And Thom and I were all over each other so we left the shower and went to bed. It was a fantastic night and Thom asked me to sleep over. It was kind of hard, cause it was a single bed, but it was alright for me. It wasn't usual that Thom let me sleep over. I fell asleep, but a few hours later I woke up. It was already morning. Thom was also awake. The nice time was over now. The alcohol had probably left his blood now, cause Thom wasn't mr. Nice Guy anymore. It's typically Thom... flirt with me, say sorry for all the things he's done to me. We have sex to make it up and the next thing you know, he's acting al weird again...

Thom left the bed and got dressed. I was watching him. I had to get out of here. Mom would be pretty mad at me for not coming home this night. I also got dressed and said goodbye to Thom, who was watching TV and wasn't interested in me at all. "I'll probably see you in The Harmony..." he said. I laughed and left.

Third Time's A Charm I

Tuesday was a normal day, for once that was just fine... C and I discussed his problem with John, but that was about it.

Wednesday started of easy: first school and hockey in the evening. After hockey diner and then a surprise! Mom wanted to go on the "bartour" which was going on here in Leiden. Cause it was some special week here. I would have the first five hours off school so I could come along, but I only wanted to come if C could come along too. It was everything or nothing, so C could come. After one drink in "The Talkhouse" we went to The Harmony. C text John he was on his way.
It was quiet in The Harmony. A band was playing and Rens was tending bar. Louis was also there. Mom introduced herself to him. Oh God... if she would introduce herself to John, he would be able to say some nasty things about me and what then... ! I was terrified!
John entered and mom, of course, introduced herself to him. I was worried. Thank God C was there for me. It was already haunting in my head: John telling my mom what kind of nasty things her daughter had been doing. I was glad when they both took place on our table. So I could listen to what they were saying. And after long talking the question was there: "Are my kids acting good around here?" "He is, he said,"but she!" He pointed at me. Of course mom was shocked, but John had showed his good heart and said he was just kidding.
After a lot of drinks on John mom said:"John is such a great guy! I gonna toss Ruud out and get John in." I got nausiated of the idea. And I looked disgusted. John told me to act normal. I was fed up with it and decided to sit somewhere else, but not for long.
John was inviting us over to his place this summer and the night was doomed to turn out pretty fucked up.
All the sudden I saw Jordy and Thom, they were standing in front of the window. Rens said I couldn't let them in, cause it was after one. I went to the door to talk to Thom. He invited me over for a drink. I wasn't able to phone him, so I gave him C's number and Thom gave his to C.
I went back inside, where mom and John were still in a conversation with each other. I went to have a chat with the band.
After a while John came up to me and said that he thought I was a real nice girl, but that we started off the wrong way. I nodded, but actually I didn't like the fact my first impression with John was a wrong one. We took place at the bar. He told me he was crazy about C. I understood, but I knew C wasn't gay! But I didn't tell that to John. I tried to give him some hope. "You're gonna find a guy! Really you are!" But John was a little bit down. I gave him a hug. He told me I was a sweetheart and I thought the exact same about him. John was a sweetheart and he deserved a sweet man!

Bi-Sexual Borders

Sunday was one big boring day. Ok hockey was fun, but it was the only fun thing that day. I again forgot my backpack at The Harmony! I would have to go pick that up...

On Monday my sister phoned me. She asked me if I would join her for a hockeymatch in the big Amsterdam Stadium! Of course I wanted to come! Cedric would also come along.
Once we got to Amsterdam C and I were acting all crazy. After a 5-5 match we went back to Leiden. There C and I had to dump the goalie bag. We cycled it over to my dad's and left it there. Let's go to the Harmony to pick up my stuff, I thought. So C and I went to the Harmony. It was half past eleven now. There were a couple of people in The Harmony and I knew them all. I immediately ran up to Rens to ask if he had found my backpack. Immediately people started to yell:"Hey how rude of you! You don't even say hi anymore!" I felt uncomfortable. So after I said hi to everyone and got my bag back I wanted to leave. Otherwise mom would really freak out, cause it was a schoolnight. "Hey those people ordered!" John said. C and I looked at each other, but neither of us had ordered a drink. Still there were two beers standing on the bar waiting for us. Ah one drink couldn't harm, but of course one became two etc...
C and I got in a conversation with John. He was talking about his bi-sexuality. It was a serious and interesting conversation. At one point it became even more interesting, cause John was going to tell me WHY he had been mad at me. He said:"You take all of my guys!" I was surprised. "Your guys? Who did I take from you?" I asked. "Jasper," was his answer. I didn't even know John had a crush on Jasper. But I made a deal with John that I would never do anything with Jasper anymore. I said he was also taking my guys from me. John was curious about it. I named Julien and John pretended he had never heard of that name, but he probably knew who I meant. I gave him Jules phonenumber. Now I had taken my revenge on Julien too! I would send a bi-sexual after him! Hah!
John said that with kissing Jordy I made a huge mistake. I would have screwed it up with Louis. Cause Jordy and Louis were buddies and I was taking Jordy from Louis. John said I'd better apologize to Louis, meanwhile he would show C the backdoor of The Harmony. I apologized to Louis. Louis said that John shouldn't be selling that much crap. But John had assured me that I didn't want to get in a fight with two evil faggets.
All the sudden mom was standing in front of the window. No kidding it was 2 o'clock already! But before we left I had to confess to John he was the hottest fagget I had seen. I said that if he wanted to hook up with my little brother, he had my permission. On one condition: I could have Frank, without getting in any kind of mess with him. John agreed.

At home C was in total panic. He showed me the text messages John had sent him. "He even tried to kiss me!" C said. I was rolling on the floor from laughing. John was now after C!

Sin, Sin, Sin

Saturday: what a day to catch up with some sleep! Next thing I was doing: hang on the phone with Menno to talk about what had happened last night.
This night I would spend my night with Floor at Rianne's place. Rianne and Isabelle had to work and they would come over later. And guess what, when we all would be ready, we would go to The Harmony, but this time it was boring! It was no fun at all, so we left about 2 o'clock. I phoned Tim, to check where he was. He was in The Plantage and asked me if I would come too.

In the Plantage Tim was playing with me. It turned me on, but because he started a stupid fight with some one I wasn't anymore. Still he wanted me to go to his place. There we kissed and did some other stuff, which I'm not going to mention. But the conclusion is: I ost the bet 3 times now...

Pinkeltje versus Frank

Well I lost the bet! But that wasn't even the worst part. I had kissed Jordy! How could I explain this to Yorick? Did I even have to explain it to him? Or to some one? I decided to tell Menno about the kiss, I also told him about the bet. Lost twice now...
At night I had went out with Isabelle. Cedric was throwing a party at our place with a couple of friends. Menno would go there too. Isabelle and I went to the bar early, what did it matter!
Isabelle didn't know about the kiss, so she thought I still hadn't lost the bet. So when my first guy, Thijs, arrived she was giving me a big smile. Of course Jasper a.k.a. "Pinkeltje" was there too.
At a certain moment Jonathan entered the bar. When he saw me he gave me this terrible look. I told Isabelle Frank would show up too. And I was right fifteen minutes later Frank arrived. I had to be strong! But still... I'm hopelessly in love with that guy... I really love him and I think Isabelle noticed it. Frank walked in and he was smiling so sweet at me! But I was strong and so I refused to hang his coat. Plus then I had to walk Frank's coat up to Jasper, don't think so!
Jasper wasn't being very nice to me that night. I wanted to know why, but all he could say was:"Fuck you".
Isabelle thought we should go downstairs. I was a little bit scared, cause I but be confronted with Frank. But once we were downstairs we avoided each other perfectly. More and more friends came and it was one big party. Still... I couldn't get my eyes of Frank. He was busy with one girl, so I was kind of jealous.
Dennis came up to me. He had been to Cedric's party and told me things were going wrong there. I wasn't really bothered by it. I also convinced Isabelle to spend our vacation with Martijn and Dennis. So we would go to Crete with the four of us. I was really curious about how that would turn out. Bel and I danced for a while and then went back upstairs. I was dancing with Dennis and Louis screamed it through the mic. Jasper, who was also upstairs, watched me, but he just couldn't be nice to me. When I noticed he was acting a blow-job I went up to him and asked him what was wrong. "You're gonna give Dennis a blowjob aren't ya?" he said. I got angry and pushed him, he pushed back. Before I knew it, John was standing behind me. He wanted me to go downstairs and take it easy. It would be better for me not to go upstairs anymore, besides John was keeping an eye on me now.
Downstairs I said goodbye to Died. We were standing in the hallway. I saw Frank was getting cigarettes. When Died left, Frank stopped me and said:"Feel the machine! It's giving shocks." I felt the machine, but I couldn't feel a thing. "Gimme your hand," I said. No it weren't his hands either, but to hold his hand already brought up so much emotion and lust, that I had to let go quickly. Frank had done it again: made me melt for him. His eyes... so pretty...
I let go of his hand and said:"No nothing's wrong!" And so I went back inside. I had to sigh, Isabelle saw I was having a hard time. She even gave me permission to kiss Frank. But no! I wanted to be strong for one night and I wanted to be proud of myself! Not much later Jasper left the bar. I was glad he left, but still I was wondering why he ignored me. It was bothering me.
Thijs also left, he was so cute! All the sudden Frank grabbed my arm. "Aren't we going to dance?' He asked. I had had to think about it: it's just a dance... So I cooperated. We were dancing for just one minute and Jonathan already gave me a disgusted look. I let go of Frank and said: "You really can't do anything with him around, huh." I walked on, to see how Isabelle and Rianne were doing. Rianne was crying cause Wouter had cheated on her.
It was time to go home and to watch what C had done. I got my coat and left with Isabelle. In the hallway I ran into Frank. "Are you leaving already?""Yeah, see ya next time?" I gave him three kisses on the cheeks and left. I sighed... Frank was my dream! And I still loved him...
I was cycling home, when I arrived home I had to avoid the puke. This wasn't very good...
I opened up the door and entered. I saw my mom sitting on the dinertable with Menno and Ben. Mom told me to check the bathroom: it was all covered with broken glass and puke. I was a little bit stunned. So I asked Menno what had happened:
They had filled theirselves with vodka. C and Gijs passed out. C was throwing up in my bed and Gijs had gone home by ambulance. Everything ended well, because at least Menno had a bit of responsability. C couldn't remember a thing.
That night I was sleeping in my brother's bed. I was proud of myself for not being Frankies slave. Still... besides the fact I love Frank so much...I was bothered by the fact that Jasper was so unkind to me. I wanted to know why. Would John be behind this? Maybe I should find out about it...

Spaghetti & A Fake Brother

After a long schoolday and a night at work I was driving stressful to Broadway. There I would meet Dennis and Martijn. Of course we went to The Harmony to have a beer.
When we were there and had caught up Jeroen, the bartender, came up and said:"So who are you gonna kiss tonight?" I asked how much money they had bet on which person. Jeroen left and now Thom ran to our table. He put 40 cents on the table and said: "Sandwich." I picked up the 40 cents and went up to the bar, put down the 40 cents and said: "Sandwich, Louis in between you guys." (Louis is a 45 year-old man, who is gay). The 4 of them laughed. The 7 of us were the only persons left at the bar. Louis asked which guy I was going to take home tonight. He said I'd better not take Dennis, cause he would have a small penis and I also couldn't pick Martijn, cause his taste for fashion was too worse. I had enough of all the talking and went up to my guys, who were sitting at a table. But all the sudden Jeroen said something about "langlaufen" and I just had to go to the bar. Jordy was curious about my last night with Thom. I said Thom het performed alright, but he still had a problem. Everyone at the bar was listening with interest and discussions started. Till there was a moment. Jeroen asked:"Do you deepthroat?" Before I could answer the question, Thom answered it:"No she can't!" I reacted kind of rude and said:"But Thom you can't suck a cock that isn't hard." Thom couldn't say another word. While I was getting high fives from Louis and Jeroen. Thom wanted me to sign a contract which said that we would never have sex again. We both signed it. Louis said I could better go home with Jordy. And that Jordy had a real dick. Jordy didn't say a word. I said I couldn't do that. Jordy was "my fake brother". "Ah that's not really true," he said. He grabbed my hands and put them around his waste. Martijn and Dennis went home.
Jeroen asked me:"How many of the bartenders have you kissed?" "Just 2, Jasper and John.""Those two probably want to have a threesome with you," he said, "Just wait, in about fifteen minutes John will be here and then you can ask him."
Fifteen minutes later, John really walked in! It scared me a little. He was together with Ruben.
I went home en Jordy came along. Eventually we wqent to his place. He lives in a house on Broadway. Thom lives nextdoor...
We were in his livingroom and I don't know how it happened, but all the sudden we were kissing. I stopped immediately when I realised what I was doing. I had to think about Yorick and so did he. So we stopped and said next to each other... quietly...
I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up I knew I had to go home. I woke up Jordy to tell him I was leaving. Before I knew it we were kissing again. I just acted along, but when he wanted to take off my shirt I stopped again. Jordy said I wanted him too bad, but that couldn't do it. But wasn't I the one who stopped? Was Jordy playing a psycologic game here? It confused me... I went outside took my bicycle and went home. It was 5 o'clock in the morning and I ran into Tim and Daniel...

Horny or Eazie?

Day one of the bet was easy. The bet was made in the afternoon so there wasn't much to fail that same day. The contract said that we couldn't tell anyone. Could I manage not to tell Menno or Cedric? I would at least give it a try!
The one who loses the bet has to pay diner for the winner. I wanted to win so bad! Just so I could get my dignity back, to show I'm not a gigantic slut.
I by the way need time to think about all those guys: Who do I want? And who not? It sucks anyway, cause your mind gets fucked. All those names keep popping up in my head. It goes like: Tim, Thijs, Thom, Richard, Jasper, John, John and ... again John...? Yeah I'm going mad...

The Bet

January 2007 passed by so fast and already there had happened so many things! The year started of great... NOT... My great-grandmother died, but she was really old. Still not a good start of the year.
Then I still didn't know what to do with all those guys. Still! What do I want with Tim? And what about Thom and me? And what about Richard? I just didn't know anymore. Defintately when I found out Jasper was single again!
I got inspired by the film "40 days, 40 nights". I made a bet with my friend Isabelle. 25 Days NO kissing or sex. Not under any circumstance!
How long would I keep it up?